Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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