Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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