If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
