You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
