Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize