Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
