wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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