ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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