Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize