I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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