I just saw a hot homeless man
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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