:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
