I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
