Whod you bang
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
