i'm signing you up for texting rehab
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Is it because I queefed?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
