Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
