ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
two words: eviction party
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize