My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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