he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
