Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
