True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
