apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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