this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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