The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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