My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
