Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize