He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Damn victory sex feels great
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
