Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
