Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
