They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
this beer tastes like vomit already
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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