I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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