Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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