I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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