So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
