I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
