its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize