I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
this boner is exhausting
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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