Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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