I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
