Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
