Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize