Yo dont text me then not text me
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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