whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
