I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
