dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
