Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
