Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
