Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
