Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
