the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
