The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
