If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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