Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
