laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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