I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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