Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
