it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
