I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
