I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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