I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
