Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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