But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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