this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
