My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just had sex bonerless
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
