we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
