This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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