I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
