I'm laying in your front yard are you home
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
