I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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