Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
