I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
