You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
