Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
