I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
