some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
