Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
