so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
one might say we're banned from that church
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
