How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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