I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
