im having a threesome with these popsicles
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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