Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
