i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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