the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
