i just wanna soil my oats bro
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
you never un-have a 4some
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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