i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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