you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize