He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
