He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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