I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I am midnight drunk by noon
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
