I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
