what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
