It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize