Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
