is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
