He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
