He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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