Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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