He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize