My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
