I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
