He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
