I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
