remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
