Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I deserve this hangover.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
