I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
