What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
