This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
