This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
