there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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