ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
