That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize