I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
