Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
