So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
