Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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