I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
